Living in Absolutes (not the vodka)

My dad died on my stepdad’s birthday.  Not his actual birth day…that arrangement would win my mom some sort of honorary award in Cougar-hood.

It happened almost 13 years ago, and was extremely hard to deal with for everyone, except Josh.  My dad went from sick, to terminally ill, to needing hospice care, and then passing away. That last part is when I fell apart, and it was when Josh found his balance again.

I didn’t see it coming, but it makes perfect sense.  Josh sees things in black and white – there are no gray areas. So, for the months leading up to the end, when his grandpa was alive and struggling, there was a flurry of uncomfortable emotions that Josh had no place for, and to his way of thinking, no sensical point of reference.  The teetering of Grandpa being here, or gone, was neither black or white – it was very much gray.

His death was a fact. It was clear. It was final. It was something Josh could process.

Earlier this year I got very sick with Meningitis and had to stay in the hospital for a week.  I don’t remember three of those days, but I don’t even have to ask if Josh had come to see me, because I know he didn’t.  When I came home, he never asked me what happened, or how I was doing. It was gray. He did let me know we were out of peanut butter. Ah, back to black and white.

Josh is not insensitive. When a situation is abstract, it doesn’t matter if the subject is mundane or a matter of life and death, he tends to disappear.  When an experience is absolute there is much better chance that he will be present and available.  Unless that absolute involves chores around the house.  Grrr!!!!

Just the facts ma’am.

Listen to the Podcast  – JHA007: Living in Absolutes (not the Vodka)