The Dance

 ~ Clearly Muddled Blog ~

My autistic son is an adult. I never believed the negative prognosis that doctors warned me of while he was still a little boy, and I don’t accept them as the conclusion now. In some areas of life, he’s blown through those expectations! Woohoo!! I must admit though, some of what I was told all those years ago seem to have taken hold…mainly the constant need for my input, guidance, prompting and redirecting.  It’s the music we dance to – even with my two left feet.

My mom says she doesn’t know how I do it because it is so overwhelming and stressful sometimes. I say, meditation! The alternative involves me in a padded room somewhere.  (Full disclosure: that may or may not have anything to do with Josh).

The dance that we’ve been doing for the last 30 years could be called The Safety Net. We practice every day. It’s where he doesn’t move, so I motivate him. He moves, and I’m there encouraging him. He makes decisions, and I back them. He wobbles, and I provide balance. He takes huge steps, and I support him. He stubbles and falls, and I catch him.  And in the middle of these moves, he soars…I mean high and valiantly. I’m there for him, but he doesn’t need my help. So, I wait in the wings, never knowing when the song will end.

I’m his mom – this is what mom’s do. Autism means that I just do it for a while longer than most.

How do I keep my sanity? Wine. And meditation. I probably should have put that first. But it’s wine.

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