Blind-Sided

Raising another human is hard.  I’ve done it twice – three times if you count my husband. So far, raising a son with Autism is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because every time I think I’ve got it figured out, I’m blind-sided with issues there’s no way I could have seen coming.

Josh is high functioning up until the very moment he’s not.  And those “moments” come out of nowhere. I don’t know when they’ll show up, or how disruptive they’ll be…what I do know, is that they’re always lurking. I don’t know how to help prevent something that’s an invisible, moving target!

I’m not talking about the normal pains of growing up…where you do things that are stupid, in retrospect.  I’ve lived in la-la land, and it was called my twenties! It was great! I knew everything.

I’ve raised a daughter that doesn’t have Autism. She grew, stumbled, I helped her find her balance, then I was the enemy for a while, then one day, she was an adult. Kind of…I mean, she’s still in her twenties. The point is that she grew up and out of needing constant supervision. I became her cheerleader. She became her own advocate.  Piece. Of. Cake!

Some things are no big deal. Like, in the big picture view, the “moments” that I’m talking about don’t leave a long term negative effect. But sometimes, they leave disaster in the wake.  Either way, I’m caught off guard and end up picking up the pieces and trying my best to put them back together again.

Josh doesn’t see the “moments” coming. Most of the time he doesn’t recognize when he’s standing right in the middle of them.  So, much of my time is spent as a defensive tackle…so he won’t be blind-sided.  I carry around my tools, protective gear, and water wings, because I never know what will need to be fixed, guarded, or rescued.

Autism tricks me, every day. It’s like finding my way through a maze, blindfolded. Even if I’ve been through the maze and know it so well that I could navigate it effortlessly, every unexpected obstacle is thrown in the way.  Sometimes that obstacle is a puddle, and sometimes it’s a freaking tsunami.

Listen to the Podcast: Crisis Mode