Can’t or Won’t

~ Clearly Muddled Blog ~

The line is fine; invisible sometimes. It’s the difference in what works and what doesn’t, what matters and what is not apparent, what needs to be done and those things that don’t get a moment of consideration.

I get that autism is a world that I only visit by proxy.  I don’t know what it feels like – I can only observe. I learn by what I’m told and what I see, and am well past the point of expecting reciprocation. There’s not much collaboration going on…mainly me nudging, asking questions, making suggestions. And in return, I get nothing.

Parenting an autistic adult is killing me. Maybe not physically, yet, but emotionally for sure. I think I’ve been doing it wrong. When it comes to his abilities, I’ve never quite figured out when “can’t” or “won’t” apply, so I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. My goal was to support, uplift, and encourage, while holding space  for him, just in case he floundered. Somewhere along the way, I became the only one invested in his success. When it comes to responsibility, he’s nowhere to be found.

It’s time for me to step away from managing and orchestrating his life, and into the role of offering guidance, when requested. It’s time for him to find out what he can’t’ do vs what he won’t do.

I raised a kind, loving, generous human…that relies on me for everything.

Now, it’s time for tough love I guess. For both of us. It’s about self preservation now. That’s for both of us too.

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Listen to the Podcast: Josh Has Autism #116: Sometimes You Gotta Save Yourself First | https://sonyaking.com/josh-has-autism-116-sometime-you-gotta-save-yourself-first